It's Okay to be Content

On Super Bowl Sunday, I was sitting in my boyfriend's home church as he was serving communion and offering, enjoying the beautiful praises being sung to the Lord by some young girls while his sister played saxophone. I sat next to her boyfriend and their family reflecting on the words before my eyes. I felt the weirdest sensation, all of a sudden. I felt overwhelming contentment. I felt Jesus sitting before me with my face in His hands, looking lovingly into my eyes. I was.......home. I had a second family, I was worshiping my God in a wonderful church, and I had a man who loved me more than any words could express plop down in the seat beside me. What more could I ever ask for?

Then it hit me.

I felt pressured. What if there's more out there than this? What if I'm supposed to be somewhere with someone else? How do I know there isn't more for me?

And then I focused on the One who held my face in His hands.

I was right where I was meant to be with exactly who I was supposed to be with, then. God has blessed me with more than I could have even begun to ask for. My boyfriend's family loves me as one of their own children and his sister treats me like I am her sister (in a great way). His friends have become my friends and his church has made me feel welcome from the very start. Above all of that, I have a boyfriend who holds my hand and loves me without the makeup on my face, despite the scars on my arms and heart, and deep enough to fight with me as I struggle every day to love the girl staring back at me in the mirror. Even on top of that, I am in love with a God who sent His Son to die for my sins on a dirty, rugged cross. I did not need more. I do not need more!

So, why do I feel so compelled to want more? That's because it's what society is constantly screaming at me. There is always another boy. There are always more places to feel happy. There are always more clothes to buy. There are always more ways to indulge and make your life picture perfect.

Well guess what?

"It's not worth it, it's not working," to quote Thousand Foot Krutch. Even with all of that in my possession, I will never be truly content with my life. My heart will always long for better and best. Unless I turn my eyes back to Him Who loves me more than anyone else ever possibly could, I won't be content. However, with Him in my life, I am provided for in the most perfect of ways, because God knows what's best for me. I have realized that I should be content with the way my life is. The only thing that I should never be content with is my relationship with God. It can always be better. I can always give more of who I am to Him. God forbid that my desire for more of Him ever come to a standstill, because it's in Him that I am made truly beautiful, and it's in Him that I find contentment.

I am slowly learning to turn my ears and shield my eyes from society so that He is all they see and hear. I am where I belong in this moment on this earth, and I have been blessed with love more beautiful than the most stellar of sunsets. God put my boyfriend into my life that I might have that strong, physical love and support to keep me standing on days where I am too weak to fight. My Father's love shines boldly through those He's put in my life for situations such as these.

These realizations made the sickening pressure lift off of my shoulders. My heart was light and I smiled, gently squeezing my boyfriend's hand as I took my sermon notes on giving. I said quietly to myself....

I am truly loved.

It is perfectly okay to be content as long as I always long for more of Him.

#God #Contentment #Society #Love